Bitterness
By Ana Blackwell
The Bible tells us to not allow bitterness to take root in our heart, found in Hebrews 12:15. This is because we live in a world full of broken people. There is not a single person who has not hurt another. Sometimes people go on the offense and harm another person. Other times the damage is unintentional. A person can be offended by the guy in the blue sedan who cut them off after work. A mother can be emotionally injured when her grown kids don’t visit anymore. A student can be crushed when their teacher tells them they are incompetent. A husband can feel abandoned when their spouse no longer makes time for their marital relationship. Even though there is a chance someone will hurt us, we need relationships because we are social creatures. Connection is crucial for our survival. So, how can we live in such a way that we get all the good out of our relationships and let the bad go?
I would say there are two ways. Before I begin, I would like to point out how wonderfully God cares about us. At first glance it seems we are constantly having to put others first. Though this falls in line with the life of Jesus, it also benefits the individual following God’s law of love. This will be clear as the reading develops. He commands us to love others and to live in peace with everyone if possible. In Hebrews we are made aware that bitterness is the one thing that can make relationships rot like a sunken ship.
Therefore, here are two wise teachings that have changed my life. First, do not take it personally. People do not always respond or react the way we want. If a friend cancels on us because they don’t feel like going out, don’t take it personally. If someone is being snarky towards you, don’t take it personally. If they have an issue with you, it is their responsibility to let you know. This can be applied in any situation in which you are not responsible for the other person’s action. It is amazing when we apply this to our lives because it makes us realize that others are not purposefully trying to hurt us, in most situations.
The second approach is to not consent. What do I mean? The Bible tells us to not “repay evil with evil” (Romans 12:17). I believe we are taught this in order to not become hurtful like those who hurt us. So, if revenge turns our soul muddy then what is the solution? It is again found in the Bible.
The scriptures say to pray for our enemies. It is found in Matthew 5:44. Now before you go off thinking only super Christians can do this, let me disclose something. This is a practice also utilized in a 12-step program in order for people to let go of their bitterness. The requirement is 14 days of praying for the ones who betrayed or hurt them. They are encouraged to pray for their enemy to be blessed beyond belief. Basically, all the wonderful things you want in life, pray it for your enemy.
In this way, a person can refuse to consent to the pain another tries to cause them. It is empowering to realize that I can place a filter in my relationships to keep out anger and bitterness. I do not need to allow others negative actions to affect me, whether it was intentional on their part or not.
Ultimately, these two teachings reveal I cannot blame others if I am bitter or angry. Well, of course I can but that is false. The only reason I may not have peace in my heart is because I did not keep my heart in check as Hebrews asks. The Bible verse implies I have a choice in this matter. That is because I do in fact have the power to filter out the negativity from relationships and love others as Jesus did.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit -Galatians 5:25
